Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
