nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
