if only i could text you this smell
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
