I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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