honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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