After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
