my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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