why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
