I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
