I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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