im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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