I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
