drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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