made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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