i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
