just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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