I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this boner is exhausting
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
