Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
