I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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