theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
