so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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