3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
