i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
