Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
