I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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