woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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