you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
