Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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