Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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