I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
