if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
