so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
