walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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