I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
