I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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