I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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