I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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