I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
