there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
