Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You took a bar mat shot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
