Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
