Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I love you. Go after that dick
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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