I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize