she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They are going to name an STD after you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
