i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
