I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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