Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
