Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
