I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
