I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
