i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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