the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
