Joe is yelling at the trees again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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