Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we have pet lesbian snakes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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