Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
