I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
