Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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