in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
