Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have fence marks all over my body
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
