you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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