It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize