You're earring is so big in my mouth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's get the cat blown out
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
