omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
