you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
