I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
