I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
