Reggie can tackle my bush.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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