wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
