There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
