Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
