respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
