he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
