woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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