oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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