Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
