Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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