I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
