woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The power of my boobs compel you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
