Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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