it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
