We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
