I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
