this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
