he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
