I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
