Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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